十月

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October 2th

My secretary founded that I was using morphine, because I left the syringe in the basket of my office room I should take it with me to home but I was too absorbed in the comfort and pleasure of morphine so I forgot the important part of my secret. She asked me why; I said other prescribed medications were no longer effective, so the doctor gave me this. She said morphine is for dying cancer patients and I said I knew that. I actually wanted to say that I felt like I was dying and didn't know why I still had a breath. Naturally I did not say anything, I have seen the pity and disbelief in her eyes; she never knew me, but only loved my "Mr. Fang" appearance; she was a good person, she wanted to know my inner self, but I pushed her away, because I knew my inner self had long been rotten.

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